Bizarre Quote of the Year

Customer to Isaac and/or Craig (regarding ticket prices for Mischievous Mistletoe): It's like spanking a retarded kid with a cat.

I've done paperwork for 2 and a half hours. The only reason I stopped is because I ran out of those sticky paper holder things. I waited on 1 customer, although I've had some other questions at least. I've checked my e-mail, Facebook, and read my book for an hour and a half. Now I'm watching a man vaccuum the plants on top of CD Plus.

Please, someone come rescue me. I have to pee too.

Mall Diaries 10

4:25 - I begun my day at the mall with a cab affair that took over one hour from calling the cab, to finally arriving at my destination. It was quite the hassle. I was NOT pleased. But thankfully, Tara was here to save the day and show me all the ropes of working hard at the mall. I’m pretty much pro.

4:30 - Guys, guys! I JUST SAW THE CLARINET GUY! Remember, the one who was my secret archnemesis from the summer? He’s a lot less impressive without his instrument, and his instrumental takes of crappy pop songs. God that guy annoyed me. I should buy a violin and play really badly beside him.

4:35 - Someone just asked me where womens clothing stores are. Do I look like I shop in womens clothes stores? The kind gentleman looked at me, looked at the sign that says “Confederation Centre” and then apologized and left. I feel this is going to be a very long, long night. The very same gentleman just walked by again with a confused look on his face.

4:45 - He just did it again. I’m laughing on the inside. Just so everyone knows, there is a junior high school band playing Christmas carols. I hate Christmas carols.

4:48 - I think the highschool band is finished, WOOO HOOO!

4:50 - I was wrong.

5:55 - I am bored to death. Colin dropped by, but other than that...I didn't even have a pen! A lady generously gave me her's. Thank god for the giving spirit.

It's been a hard day's night...

... and I've been working at the mall.

Confessions of a Mall Kiosk Worker

Day 1
Although I have had a fairly incident free day here at the mall kiosk, it was not to be entirely without experiences. Some new friends were made, even if some of these relationships are mearly professional ones.

For example, the bond I have recently formed with Crazy Coat-Hanger Lady (or more appropriately Crazy Carpet Hooker Lady as of late... I don't see any coat-hangers). She has been occupying the garbage can situated directly behind me for my entire shift working on her multicolored tapestry. A paser-by commented on how beautiful her work was in which the CCHL replied thank-you and then swore at them very loudly when they refused to buy it. She has been keeping to herself for the most part though. She asked me very politely to watch her stuff as she went to the washroom and to buy some lunch and thanked me quite courteously upon her return. We've come to an agreement that way. I watch her stuff when she needs to go do something, and she doesn't yell at me angrily. It works out well. She seems to have taken an interest in the security guard Danni. Every time she sees him, no matter where he is in the mall, she yells at him to come down so she can show him how to hook a rug, then laughs hysterically. Altogether a rather enjoyable afternoon with Crazy Carpet Hooker Lady.

My second new friend of the day I shall name Creepy Singer guy. I have dubbed him such after the manner in which he started up a conversation with me. He simply paced around my booth for a little while, and after I ignored him and continued to read my book he started to sing to me. I'm not really sure what song it was, but he did sing it with much enthusiam. We then discussed my enjoyment of reading and what a wonderful passtime is it. He left shortly after a very long awkward pause. Not quite the bosom friends that CCHL and I are, clearly.

That is all for today. And to think, I was only asked once where the Family Shoe Store has gone! Either people are getting smarter, or 1 year really is enough time for the truth to sink in.

Allison, Kiosk Worker

Mall Diaries 09

This is what happenned at the mall today.

I THINK THERE'S BEEN A RAPE UP THERE!!!!!

That's what you do, get their attention. Great now that I have your attention, I would like to cordially invite all of you to 334 Euston street for a pleasant evening of socialising. Terry is being very generous and will be hosting a Christmas party at his house. The event is going to be exceptionally popular as this is most likely Terry's last party of 2008, so please make sure to get your tickets well in advance. This party will be starting on the 21st of December, at 8:30 with doors opening for 8. This production is general admission. If needed, booster seats and hearing devices will be supplied. Please Byob, any additional munchies are appreciated, although some will already be supplied by Terry. Terry pleads for someone to please please please bring Walking Nachos. Plenty of floor room will be provided if people wish to spend the night, one might want to bring a sleeping bag if they plan on staying. Please no drinking and driving. We all know Christmas is awesome. First of all you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time. Ever.

Please don't end up like this.